The secret behind my smile


As much as I love this picture of my beautiful family of three, a year ago today I was in a horrible place Behind that smile I was a terrified person. I would cry at any given moment (which is not me I am not a cryer) 

Anxiety comes in all different shapes and sizes and I for one had never experienced it and thought I was going insane.

I wasn’t anxious about my life, going out or anything happening to me but around Rocco’s allergies! 

On this evening we had been invited to a beautiful wedding reception (happy first wedding anniversary guys ❤️) and the moment I realised we would be taking Rocco the anxiety started! 

Rocco had only just starting to walk so still crawled around a lot so for me knowing there would be food meant not allowing him to crawl and play with any other children! I remember sitting in a corner and a lovely man cave over and tickled Rocco and gave him £1 😍 he didn’t know us and was so sweet but in the next instance I noticed his hand was holding something and I immediately smelt peanuts, my brain went into complete meltdown and I just needed to get away from him with Rocco. I felt rude and ashamed but my main priority was the safety of my child. Turns out it was actually popcorn 🙈 but my brain was having none of it, I just wanted to leave. 

I did seek help and when I finally went to the doctors it all came flooding out. It was explained to me that having a child in general makes you anxious as you naturally worry, but having a child with something like an allergy makes you extra cautious and you need to be more aware of your surroundings, she went on to say that my brain was just working harder (🤣 not something I hear often) and was in overdrive and it just needed to be brought back down to a normal level. I was prescribed Serotonin to help, and within a few weeks felt back to me with a healthy amount of worry around Rocco. I no longer take these tablets and I work hard everyday reminding myself it’s ok to worry. If I was ever to regress I would go back to the doctors in a second.

People do not understand allergies and more needs to be done. It’s that not he will just get a tummy ache he could die. So if you ever see my cleaning down tables, chairs, toys before I allow him to play please don’t roll your eyes or make a comment as it’s probably taken me a lot to get to there and if I ask you to mine for a cuppa instead of coming out or going to yours its just I know my house is a safe place.

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